DAVID
F. BLAISDELL
Attorney at Law
23020 Atlantic Circle
Moreno
Valley, CA 92553
Phone: 951-247-1977
David F. Blaisdell
Attorney at Law (Lawyer)
Family Law - Free Consultation
| Home |
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| Family Law |
| QDRO Retirement Orders |
| Links Excellent selection of family law related links. |
| If you know anyone with a family law question, please refer them to this office. |
| Free consultation |
This office does family law. This includes divorce, child custody, child
support, spousal support (this is called "alimony" in many
states), property division and other aspects. One of the features of this
office is that we do retirement plans also (These QDRO type retirement
plan orders are mentioned elsewhere on this web site).
IN THE BELOW, WE MAY NOT BE TOTALLY CURRENT. WE MAKE EVERY
EFFORT TO DO SO, BUT THE LAW AND OTHER INFORMATION IS SO FAST CHANGING THAT WE CANNOT GUARANTEE
THE ACCURACY OF EVERYTHING BELOW.
In the below certain articles that we frequently refer
the public to are highlighted. Articles on custody and visitation
are
in blue. Articles on money and property
are
in green. Articles of other specially helpful subjects
are in yellow. All
others are helpful but not highlighted.
-
WHAT TO LOOK FOR IN CHECKING OUT A DIVORCE ATTORNEY (Checklist on how to evaluate a divorce attorney)
We may add more information in the future. We are always under
further construction.
Return to Top
Free consultation. If you have
any comments or suggestions on how to improve this web site please call
and let me know at (951) 247-1977 or E-Mail me at BlaisAtty@yahoo.com. Any
suggestions you have would be greatly appreciated.
Why don't you add this to your
Favorites or as a link on your web site?
We realize that many people have never had a consultation with an attorney.
The checklist is below. You may skip this "Links"
introduction section but we urge you to return and read it later.
Since you are reading this on the internet there are some things you might
do to help the attorney as well as yourself. Please go to the
"links" section on the left of the screen. There is a wealth of
information that is available on the internet that there is no fee for.
Examples are:
Section 1 and 2 for court records in Riverside and San
Bernardino. You can track your case from these sites. Keep up on what is
happening in your case. You also might want to be sure your current spouse had a final
dissolution of marriage decree before you married that person or to be
sure a future spouse is really fully divorced. Section 25 is for Los
Angeles County court records.
Section 20 on values of cars and other vehicles. This is
important because in the division of property we need to know the value of
all the property.
Section 27 on imputed income if your spouse is not working
or you feel could be making more. See what others in that field are able
to earn.
Section 37 on the value of your home. You can get comps
immediately over the internet on what homes of a similar type are selling
for in your area.
Section 45 and 49 on what realty your spouse may own that
you have no knowledge of. Also look at relatives of your
spouse.
Section 61 is for getting a free credit report from Experian, Equifax or
TransUnion. It is a help to know your true
debts.
Before calling the attorney for a consultation first make
sure that the "attorney" is really a California Licensed
Attorney. Some people say that they are attorneys and are not. See Section
12 on links.
There is something else you might do if you are still in the
same house as your spouse. Take photos of each room. Stand in one corner
and take a photo. Do this to all four corners of each room in the home.
Take photos of the cars, outside of the home, garage and even the
bathroom. There are two reasons for this. One is in case things start to
disappear you will have a photographic inventory of the entire house
contents. The second reason is that in negotiation for division of
household items we can be sure we are all talking of the same item. It is
so there will be no misunderstanding as to who is getting which lamp in
the living room, etc.
The above is just on a few highlights. Please review the links
section. There may be other information that may help your case. By you
doing the work you are helping the attorney.
What To Look For In Sizing Up And Checking Out A Divorce Attorney
Below are some things to look for in evaluating a divorce attorney: If you know anyone with family law questions please mention this site to them. Let them know the first consultation is free. If you live in or your case is in the Inland Empire of Southern California please call for a free consultation at 951-247-1977. Thank you. www.BlaisAtty.com
Before Calling The Law Office:
a) Did you check with friends, co-workers, neighbors or relatives about the reputation of the law office? Of greatest importance is to check the State Bar web site to be sure this person really is an attorney. You can link to it right here and now. Just click http://members.calbar.ca.gov/search/member.aspx and follow the instructions. Keep in mind there are over 200,000 licensed attorneys in California. There may be several with the same name.
b) How long has the attorney been in practice?
c) If there is an advertisement, does it list several different practice areas or just one or two? Is the law office near you?
d) Is the office in the same county or not to distant from the court? Is the office near your work or home? Is the location of the office convenient for you if you need to go by before or after work?
When You Called The Other Law Office:
a) After how many rings was the phone answered?
b) Were you able to talk to the attorney right then and there? It may have just been for some minor questions but still a brief talk with the attorney. Did the attorney take the time to personally request you bring certain documents to the consultation?
c) If no one was there to answer your call, how long did it take for someone to return your call? Did a secretary or the actual attorney return the call?
d) Did the law office check the other party's name on the conflict list? If the law office had a consultation with your spouse they might have to withdraw as your attorney because it would be a conflict of interest. Wasted money and time.
e) Before booking you to come in for a consultation did the office ask brief background questions to be sure it is the type case they could handle?
f) If it is not a case the office can handle did they refer you to an attorney who can help with your case? If you asked for a referral did they give you one?
g) How much is the charge for a consultation and how long is the typical consultation? How soon could the office get you in for a consultation?
h) Do they have expensive TV, radio, large or full pages ads or other expensive advertisements? (You may not want to spend your money paying the law office's large advertising budget and overhead).
The Consultation:
a) Did you fill out an intake sheet on the very basic nature of your problem? Did they provide a pen to fill this out? If you had a question on the intake sheet did they take the time to explain it? Were they gracious or abrasive with you?
b) How long do you have to wait in the waiting room to talk to the attorney? While waiting could you sit down in a comfortable chair? Get a drink of water? Use the restroom? (Does the office have separate restrooms for men and women?) Use the phone?
c) Did you talk to the attorney or a paralegal or secretary? How long did the consultation last? Were your questions answered? What percent of the attorney's cases involve family law?
d)
Is
the attorney you had a consultation with the same attorney who would represent
you in court? Did the attorney LISTEN to what you had to say?
Some law
offices have a different attorney for court and the office. If there is
any miscommunication it can be a disaster. Be sure the attorney you had the
consultation is the same attorney who will represent you in court.
e) Were you given written informational materials that apply or may apply to you?
f) If it was obvious you did not have much money and could not retain the services, did the attorney give you the "rush treatment" to get you out of the office?
g) Do you feel that the attorney is emotionally understanding with you and has real feelings for you and what you are going through? That is to say, the attorney is not just doing this as a job.
h) Did the attorney give you a written fee estimate that you could take with you and review?
i) Were you basically satisfied with the consultation? Did you learn from it? Does the office have a shredder to protect the privacy of your documents and to prevent identity theft of stolen documents?
j) Did the attorney provide a satisfaction questionnaire for your evaluation on the consultation?
k) Does the attorney provide free responses to follow up questions you may have the next day or soon after?
l) Did the attorney "bad mouth" other law offices who they are in competition with? Bad mouthing another attorney usually indicates some deep insecurity in the attorney or fear that he or she does not measure up. They think they can build themselves up by tearing others down. At core center the bully is usually very insecure. Nothing new about this. Most people with any life experience have encountered this with other people in other situations.
Services Offered:
a) Are there certain minimum "talk time" fees? An example is in calling the attorney, the attorney has a minimum time of at least 6, 10 or 15 minutes (We don’t do this. The attorney charges only for the discussion time incurred. Not minimum time). Is there a minimum fee for a court appearance? (We do not charge for a minimum court appearance. Only the time incurred. For example, if we continue a case in court we only charge for a few minutes. Not a minimum of hundreds of dollars). Does the office charge for travel and drive time? We do not charge for travel and drive time unless over 40 miles one way.
b)
Does
the law office do retirement plan QDRO type orders? These QDRO orders are
specialized orders to divide retirement type plans. Often, especially in
long term marriages, this is a very valuable asset. You MUST SPECIFICALLY
ASK if the office does QDRO orders. Asking as soon as possible
is best. Often the office will
have another attorney do this, at added expense. (We almost
always do our own QDRO retirement plan orders). In many marriages the
retirement plans are a very valuable asset. Just reserving jurisdiction on the retirement plans is not a
wise idea. It is better to do the work now than off in the future. The
beneficiary may also change by remarriage. Joinder is not full protection.
Do you know of anyone going thru a divorce who
has a retirement plan? Does the spouse have a retirement plan? Please
mention this web site to them. They will thank you. I thank you also!
c) Does the law office do other family law related tasks, like drawing up deeds, wage assignment orders, proposed judgments to encourage settlement or other services? Does the office have a computer program for figuring arrearages (past payments due that have not been paid) in child or spousal support or debts owed? If the office does have such a program do they know how to use it? Does it figure interest on monies owed also? You might be surprised at the number of law offices that have fancy computer programs that they don't know how to use. Does the office know how to do graphs and tables for briefs to make data easier for the judge to understand?
d) Will the same attorney represent you throughout the proceeding? Do they "switch" attorneys during the representation process and use a substitute? At our office we do not use substitute attorneys. The same attorney you have a consultation with will represent you in the entire court process. It is common for some offices to have an "office attorney" and a "court attorney."
e)
Did
the attorney make it clear that they return phone calls in 24 hours and send
you copies of all correspondence and other documents?
Does the office
have a web site with family law links? Are there instructions on what to
do when you do get to the linked site? The internet has many web sites of
help to parties in a family law situation. These include, but are not
limited to, tracking your case as it goes thru the court system, getting a
free credit report from one of the three major credit reporting agencies,
getting information on the potential earnings of the other party, and
other information.
f) Does the office have elaborate rules on if a fee dispute or malpractice arises? Often the office will want to protect themselves as much as possible.
g) Do the attorney's file documents belong to you? That is, when the case is over or they no longer represent you, do you receive the actual original file documents or just copies of documents? Do they charge you for the copies? We give you the originals at no charge and do not charge for any copies we make.
Your General Feelings Toward The Attorney:
a)
Does
the attorney have a large
advertising budget and a high overhead. Keep in mind you are the one
paying for these things.
Many potential clients would have more trust and confidence with an
attorney who has a modest ad and relies for new clients more on Word of
Mouth from past satisfied clients and members of the community.
b)
Ultimately
one of the best ways to tell if you will work well with the attorney is to
take the "sniff" test. This is also called the "gut
instinct" or "personal chemistry" test. That is to ask yourself if you feel you will work
well with this attorney. Do you trust him or her? How comfortable are you
with this attorney? Obviously we hope our office passes these tests
with you.
If you know of anyone else with family law questions
please fax, send, e-mail or pass this on to them. They will be interested.
Please note: Some attorneys may feel uncomfortable
discussing the
checklist items above because they do not like "comparison
shopping" by clients. They may feel intimidated by them. Rather than
discussing the points made they may criticize the author. This is a
"diversion strategy". They seek to divert your attention from the issues on the
checklist. Please realize this and suggest they discuss the issues.
A suggestion: Please read "A Dozen Reasons Why This Office Will
Better Serve You" from the home page.
ANOTHER SUGGESTION: IF YOU KNOW OF ANYONE
WITH A FAMILY LAW PROBLEM OR QUESTIONS WHY DON'T YOU TELL THEM ABOUT THIS
WEB SITE? YOU MIGHT URGE THEM TO CALL THIS OFFICE FOR A FREE CONSULTATION.
Remember: "Friends help friends in a time of crisis." THANK YOU www.BlaisAtty.com
The mediation office for Downtown Riverside is on the second floor You should check in there. If for some reason you cannot make mediation or will be late you can call the mediation office at 951-955-6986 or 6987.
If you have a declaration or other documents to show the mediator be sure you show the other parent these documents first. Show the documents to the other parent immediately after you arrive at court. Be sure the mediator also sees it before the mediation appointment. You should bring three copies. One for the mediator, one for the other parent and one for you. Hand one in to the mediation office immediately after you give a copy to your spouse. The mediation clerk may ask if the other parent has seen the documents. If you gave the documents to the other parent you can answer “yes”. Otherwise they may not let you hand the documents in. Do not misrepresent the truth because the mediator will find out when the case is called and the other parent says they never received the documents. Keep in mind the documents may have been mailed to the other attorney and the other attorney may have given the documents to their client. Ask the other parent to be sure anyway.
The mediator usually will have the two of you in a small office room. It will not take place in the courtroom itself. The mediator will try to get the two of you to agree on issues relating to custody and visitation. If an agreement between the two of you cannot be agreed upon the mediator will usually make a recommendation on custody and visitation. The recommendation is just that. It does not become an order unless the judge signs it at the court hearing a few days later. At the mediation be yourself. Wear clothes that you feel comfortable in as long as they are not tanker tops, shorts or anything too unusual. Be sure to stress, not so much about what you want, but what is in the best interests of the children. Be verbal and express your feelings. However do not "come on strong" and be overly aggressive. The best preparation for mediation is to get a good nights sleep the night before.
If you absolutely cannot be present at mediation you can do a “telephonic mediation”. For this you call the office at the above phone of 951-955-6986 and ask for a telephonic mediation. You should make this arrangement several days before the actual mediation appointment. At mediation be yourself. You may want the information the attorney has on visitation to read over before your appointment. It is best not to bring any boyfriends or girlfriends or others that may make the other side angry.
The first mediation appointment is free. Any subsequent mediation appointments will have a fee of $50.00 from each party. You must have the money on the same date as the mediation.
· Advice To Clients: When you see mediator you should:
a) Say "our" children or "our" child. Not "my" child, etc.
b) Stress what is best for the children and not what you want
c) Have a parenting plan for the other to visit, etc.
d) Stress positives of yourself more than the negatives of the other party.
Helping Your Children Through Divorce
1. Tell your children the truth, with simple explanations.
2. Tell them where their other parent has gone.
3. Reassure your children that they will continue to be taken care of and that they will be safe and secure.
4. Your children see that parents sometimes stop involving each other; explain that a parent's love is a special kind that never changes.
5. Spend time every day with each child individually.
6. Children may feel responsible for causing the divorce. Reassure them they are not to blame. They may also feel responsible for bringing parents back together. Let them know your decision is final and will have to be accepted.
7. Often divorcing parents feel guilty and become over indulgent because their children have to go through a divorce. Give your child love and limits.
8. Your child is still a child and can't become the "man of the house" or a "little mother". Continue to be a parent to your child. Seek other adults to fill your needs for companionship.
9. Avoid situations which place children in the impossible position of choosing between parents.
10. Don't use your child as a way to get back at your former spouse. Children can be terribly wounded when caught in a "cross-fire".
11. Throughout life you and your former spouse will continue to be the parents of your children. Pledge to cooperate responsibly toward the growth and development of your children as an expression of your mutual love for them.
12. A divorce can be a time of loss for each member of the family. You are entitled to reach out for help and support.
13. Be patient and understanding with you child. Be patient and understanding with yourself.
Possible Direct Examination Of A Parent Checklist (Questions that might be asked of you. Be sure to have answers.)
1. Please state your name for the court.
2. What is your date of birth?
3. Where did you live before you were married?
4. What is the highest level of education you have attained?
5. What date were your married to your spouse?
6. Were you employed at the time of your marriage? Have your been employed since that time? When did you first begin working?
7. How many children have you and your spouse had? Give names and dates of birth.
8. Did you and your spouse plan to have children? Was yours a planned pregnancy, reaction when you discovered you were pregnant, what was reaction of spouse?
9. Who took care of the children during infancy? Describe the types of activities you performed. Did your spouse help at all during the infancy? How? Who obtained baby-sitters? Who took the children to the doctor for shots and checkups? Did your lifestyle change after the birth of your child? How?
10. How soon after the birth of the child did you return to work? Who took care of the children while you worked? Who located this person or agency?
11. Where are your living? How long have you lived there? Describe your home?
12. Describe your neighborhood.
13. What play facilities are available nearby?
14. How far from your home is the school(s) of the children attend?
15. Are there other children in the neighborhood close in age? Do your children play with these children? How often?
16. When did you and your spouse separate?
17. When you separated, how was it decided who moved out?
18. How long has the child been in your sole custody?
19. How often has your spouse visited the child?
20. Have there been any problems in visitation?
21. What school does your child attend? Who is the child’s teacher?
22. How is your child doing in school or preschool?
23. What activities is your child involved in?
24. What activities do your participate with your child in?
25. What do you usually do on weeknights?
26. What do the children do?
27. What do your usually do on weekends?
28. Who transports the child to these activities?
29. Did your child have a birthday party on his or her last birthday? Who made the arrangements for the party? Who transported other children to and from the party?
30. What is your state of health?
31. Do any of the children have health problems? Who generally takes the child to the hospital or doctor? Who keeps track of the medication schedule?
32. Do your or your spouse generally get up with the child in the night?
33. Do you feel it is important for your children to maintain contact with both parents?
Questions that a surprising number of parents do not know. Please know the answers.
What is your child’s middle name? --- What is the birth date of the child? --- What color eyes does the child have? --- Brand of diapers or baby food. --- Does the child have any birthmarks or other marks on the body? --- What school does child go to? --- Name of teacher? --- Directions of getting to the school? --- Child’s favorite friends at home and at school. --- Favorite colors --- Favorite foods, dress, etc. --- Pet peeves of the child. --- Name of child’s doctor or medical treatment center. --- Medical problems of the child. --- Allergic reactions to things. --- Medication schedules.What Is The Mediation Process For Custody And Visitation And What Should I Know About It?
Before court there will be an appointment with the mediator if custody or visitation is disputed. It is done in a informal way with the parents alone. Usually there are no attorneys present. The mediator will try to get an agreement going with the parents about custody and visitation. If the mediator cannot do this the mediator will make a recommendation as to custody and visitation. It is a recommendation only. If we do not agree with the recommendation we can put on a case and present evidence why it is not an appropriate recommendation and should not be made a court order by the court. Once again the mediator makes a recommendation only. Only the court can make an actual custody or visitation order.
Usually mediation will take anywhere from
fifteen minutes to over an hour in a small informal office. The mediator
does not usually talk to the children but has the right to do so. If the
mediator does choose to talk to the children the mediator will almost
certainly not ask the children which parent the child wants to live with.
The mediator will possibly ask the child questions like: "If you had
a special secret to tell who would you tell, Mom or Dad?" or "If
you had a friend at school who no longer liked you who would you talk to
about it for advice, Dad or Mom? or "Who helps you more with your
homework?" or "What
things do you like about Dad and what things do you like about Mom?"
Usually you do not have to bring the children to mediation unless the
mediator requests their presence.
If
you know anyone with family law questions please tell them about this
site. You might, in turn, urge them to call others that they know to see
this site and for a free consultation. "Friends help friends going
thru the heartache of divorce." If you live in or your case is
in the Inland Empire of Southern California please call for a free
consultation at 951-247-1977. Thank you. www.BlaisAtty.com
CLIENT "TO DO" LIST IN PREPARING FOR MEDIATION INVOLVING CUSTODY
Below are various thing you should think over before your interview with a custody investigator.
1. What is your proposed agreement for time sharing/visitation and why.
2. If your spouse has proposed a particular time sharing plan, what is it and what objections (if any) do your have to it and why.
3. Do your have any specific arrangements (holidays, birthdays, pick up or delivery time, decision making areas) that are particularly important to you? If so, what are they?
4. Compare your parenting skills to your spouse’s. List both you and your spouse’s strengths and weaknesses.
5. Compare your lifestyle to your spouse’s in view of the advantages and disadvantages it has. Life style includes work time, parenting time and plan time.
6. Describe the schedule you will keep with your child (time you will actually spend with the child) and compare it to your spouse’s.
7. Compare the types of things you do with your child to the types of things your spouse does (both positive and negative). School related activities are particularly helpful.
8. What complaints do you have about your spouse that reflect on his or her ability to be a good parent? Give specific items, including dates and incidents if possible.
9. What are the things your spouse will try to use against you and what factual basis, if any, is there to his or her claims?
10. What special needs, if any, does your child have and what have you and your spouse done to work with them.
11. It is helpful to have school records or any records verifying and negative behavior of your spouse or positive behavior of yours that reflects on your ability to parent.
How Much Do You Know About Divorce Law? A Quiz
The below is based on California family law. There are many misunderstandings and this helps for a better understanding. Just answer true or false to the below.
1. Physical custody of children under the age of 10 always goes to the mother. [] True [] False
2. The spouse who made most of the money during the marriage will receive most of the community property assets in a dissolution of the marriage. This is because the assets were mostly acquired with that parties income. [] True [] False.
3. Children over the age of 12 can freely choose which parent they want to live with. [] True [] False
4. The court will not make any orders concerning pension plans unless the party is vested in the plan. [] True [] False
5. A marriage in Mexico is not valid in California. [] True [] False
6. Currently in Riverside County the major asset in most marriages is the family home.[] True [] False
7. Usually the party with the highest income will receive custody of the minor children because that party can better provide financially for the children's needs. [] True [] False
8. If the party filing first wants a legal separation the court will have to order a legal separation. [] True [] False
9. If you fail just to pay spousal support you can lose your license to drive a car. [] True [] False
ANSWERS: The answer to all is false. 1 It is on the best interest of the children and not if the parent is the father or mother. 2 Each party has a one half interest in the community property built up during the time of the marriage. It does not matter who the main wage earner was. 3 The older a child is the greater the deference given to that child's wishes, however the order is still going to be in the best interests of the minor. An exaggerated example is if the 16 year old says he wants to live with one parent because that parent lets him smoke pot, drink beer and not do his homework. Obviously the court would award custody to the other parent in spite of the minor's wishes. 4 Even if the party is not vested orders can be made. At the very least the court will reserve jurisdiction over the pension plan. 5 If a marriage is valid in the place where the marriage took place then it is valid in California. This is called reciprocity. An exception is that in the past Hawaii was considering legalizing same sex marriages. There was a bill in congress that the states will not have to recognize such marriages. No such law was passed in Hawaii. 6 The major asset is the retirement plan. Many of the homes have huge debts on them and the debt cancels out or greatly reduces the equity. 7 Child support is used to help equalize out the incomes of the parties for the benefit of the children. 8 If the other party wants a dissolution the court will have to grant a dissolution. Only if the other party agrees or defaults will a legal separation be ordered. 9 For failure to pay child support the DA can revoke your license. Not just spousal support alone. Only when the child and spousal support are related or combined you can lose your license for failure to pay spousal support.
How Much Do You Know About Divorce Law? Quiz Number 2
The below is based on California family law. There are many misunderstandings and this helps for a better understanding. Just answer true or false to the below. I
1. Once the income data of both parties is correctly entered into the computer, then the court is always bound to use the result on child support. [] True [] False
2. Overtime pay in figuring child support will not be considered by the court, since it is not reliable as to how often it will be earned. [] True [] False
3. California requires a six month wait for the dissolution to be final. [] True [] False
4. Once the divorce, nullity or legal separation is final, health insurance for the ex-spouse ends. True [] False []
5.
Once a party files in court for a dissolution and the other
party is served neither can take the minor children out of the state.
True
[] False []
6. If a child is taken out of state and you can use the federal courts to adjudicate the case since federal courts are involved with diversity jurisdiction. True [] False []
Answers: 1 is false. Where the obligors net income is less than $1,000 per month the court may make a special adjustment as per FC 4055(b)(7). Where the obligor's income is very high as per FC 4057(b)(3) the court may not follow the guideline. FC 4057 lists other exceptions. 2 is false. In Riverside Family law the base pay is frequently used. However a percentage ratio is used for all income over the base pay for additional support. 3 is true. The six month clock starts ticking from when the documents are served on the respondent or from when respondent files a response. The six months is a minimum time. It can be extended by the parties. It is often extended so that the other party has time to get medical insurance or to find out about COBRA benefits for continued health insurance coverage. 4 is usually true. Almost all health insurance plans will end the medical plan coverage for the other spouse once the judgment is final. This is not true for minor children who may stay on the plan till they are no longer minors. The former spouse may get continued benefits under COBRA continuation coverage but that former spouse must usually pay the premiums themselves. 5 is true. The standard restraining orders in family law prohibit the filing party and spouse from removing the minor children from the state without the prior written consent of the other party or an order of court. 6 is false. Rarely are federal courts involved in custody matters. The states have interstate agreements on the jurisdictional issues.
How A Private Investigator Might Do A "Pretext Search"
A private investigator (PI) may be hired to find out where someone has a checking account and the account number. How do they often find out? Do they have some sort of secret access to computer information? Usually not. Often the information is obtained from a pretext search. This is an example. Please try to follow.
If they are hired to find out where Ms. Jones has a checking account they would want to know some background information about her. It might go something like this.
· The PI finds out where Ms. Jones lives and who her utility providers are. Like the gas company, electric provider, trash hauler, etc. This is usually very easy to find out since everyone in that area usually uses the same one.
· The PI then calls the utility provider (the gas company in this example) and says: "Hello, I am Ms. Jones and I paid my gas bill but did not write it down in the check register. I am embarrassed to say that I cannot reconcile the checks unless I know how much the bill I paid was for. Would you please tell me how much the bill was for that I paid."
a) The gas company will be courteous and tell her something like: "You paid your gas bill of $18.53 and we received it on June 9."
· The PI then calls Ms. Jones and says:
a) "I am calling from the gas company and we did not receive your payment for last month. You were billed for $18.53 and we have no record that you paid it. We may have to shut off gas service to your home." (knowing the exact amount builds credibility for the PI)
b) Ms. Jones says: "But I know I paid the bill. I even recall writing the check."
c) The PI then says: "Well let me check another screen on my computer (Then Ms. Jones hears some clicking of a computer keyboard over the phone). "No, we do not show you have paid it. I am afraid we will have to cut off service."
d) Ms. Jones states: "Oh no, please don’t do that. I know I paid." The PI then says "Let me check my bank screen. The gas company deals with many banks and the payment may show up on the bank screen of cleared checks. What bank do you have an account at and what is the account number?" Ms. Jones responds in desperation: "My checking account is at Bank of America. The account number is --------. I have had the account there for years. In fact I have my cancelled checks out and I know it cleared."
e) The bottom line is that the PI knows the bank that Ms. Jones has a checking account and the account number. Ms. Jones has told her. Even though Ms. Jones did not realize she was telling it to a PI.
f) The PI then ends saying: "Oh my, you are right. You have paid the bill for $18.53. I am so sorry. On behalf of the gas company we apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused to you. Once again I am sorry and have a nice day." (In two days Ms. Jones will probably forget the entire conversation).
Obviously if the PI just called up Ms. Jones and said: "I am a private investigator who has been hired to find out where your checking account is at. Will you please tell me where you have your checking account?" Ms. Jones would probably just hang up.
A pretext search can be done in other ways and in other situations. The investigators can be very innovative in getting the information. You should be aware that these things happen. The above scenario is very simple. It is just one of many.
If You Are "Kicked Out" Of The Home
This is information, mostly for men, on what to do it you are ordered to vacate the residence. Often called a "kick out" order. If you have lots of money it is not difficult to reestablish yourself. The below is for those without a huge income on getting by with a kick out order.
· You usually have the right to go to the house to get your things. Get what you think you will need for whatever time you may have to be out of the house. Bathroom articles, recreational and work clothes, address book and other things.
· Try to have a cell phone or pager for contact with others. You can use your job address and phone for contacts also.
· You may have to sleep in your car. Try to contact family and friends to stay over. You may have enough money for a motel the first night. However this can get expensive. Usually the main expenses will be shelter and food. If you sleep in your car or van you can save on shelter.
· You might rent a small storage shed to keep your things in. You can turn a small one into a closet and storage place.
· If you have no place to shower you might join a gym. Often they are open 24 hours a day or close to it. They have exercise equipment. More importantly they have lockers, showers and a place to clean up. If you plan to use one for an extended time you might find one with a sauna, steam room, pool, etc. As long as you’ve been kicked out of the house you want to pamper yourself somewhere along the line.
· Since you won't be in the house you can actually save much money. If you live out of your car or van your expenses for shelter will be minor.
· Find an inexpensive dry cleaners and coin operated laundry for your clothes.
· In your off time go to places that may not be expensive. Movies, the library, watching people in the mall. You might even want to go to court to just watch the cases.
· Loneliness can be a problem. Friends and relatives are a help. Hobbies or special interest you might look into. There are sports groups of all types. Volleyball, basketball, baseball and other sports. Church groups and various other special interests groups can be a help getting to find new people. If you have children call Parents Without Partners. Often they have a full calendar of things to do.
· Being made to leave your home is no fun. Try to look upon it as a camping trip away from home. Hopefully it won't last long.
How To Make Your Marriage Last A Long Time
The is from an article in the August 3, 2003 Press Enterprise. Please read the article for full details.
Below are some strategies for saving a marriage:
· STEP INTO YOUR SPOUSE'S SHOES. Empathy helps you experience your spouse in another way. Think about what is like being married to you, living with you day in and day out. Are you a perfect prize package?
· LISTEN. Some people become so engrossed in arguing their point that the don’t hear what their partners are saying. Unless you can understand how the other person sees a problem, you can't find common ground.
· REVISE YOUR EXPECTATIONS. We grow up learning certain values and habits, but we shouldn't expect the same patterns from our partners.
· COMPROMISE. Too often people go into a conflict with a win or lose mentality. If one person wins and one loses, then both have lost. You need to find common ground that respects the needs of both people.
· TAKE TIME TO HAVE FUN WITH EACH OTHER. We all have jobs, kids, errands, schedules, etc. It is no excuse. Have a date night once a week or so. Marriage is like a plant. If you put it in the corner and walk away, it will wither.
· HERE ARE SOME THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY IN AN ARGUMENT:
a) "This is just like the time last year when you…" reeling off past transgressions means you never forget or forgive.
b) "My mother always said you'd never amount to anything." Third party